Pandemonium
by lynxzpanther
Summary: A bit of insight to Alice now: love life and motivations. Drabble/One-shot. Cheers!


**AN: Written a bit on a whim, but had been slightly planned for a while. Not really sure. ^.^ Hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I disclaim. ;)**

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Alice was seen as a bitch, a girl with no limits or morals. She had a few, she really did. Talking Jake into confession had ripped her to pieces inside, especially because she'd used arguments that she didn't believe in but he so clearly did. She'd played his beliefs against him and on a personal scale that was just plain _wrong. _She'd admitted that to him, but only after the fact, and it didn't really help that he talked her out her guilt. He'd turned so wise now and she _should _have started to fall in that moment, but she didn't. She just pulled herself together and retreated inside. She fell back into their silly banter and guarded words.

It was just that: she had walls around Jake. She could be that ice cold, bitchy self of hers that she promoted and he _couldn't _see through it. Her persona didn't even flicked in his presence; in fact, it became more _real, _because that was how he saw Alice, was what he expected her to be. Lewis got in _around _the ways; he was always there when they fell; he was her shoulder to cry on or lean on as needed. He was the best boyfriend _and _the best best friend Alice had ever had. She loved him, and as a girl it was fairly hard to pinpoint just where that love fell on the romance scale.

All Alice knew was that when she saw him smiling over at Nasty Cathy, grinning at whatever the Cyclone bitch was saying, she'd hated it. She'd hated both of them with a burning passion, and hating Lewis was _not _something she _ever _wanted to feel. Watching him pick other girls tore her up inside and kind of made her want to curl up in a corner and cry. Alice just didn't _do _damsel in distress. Lewis mixed everything up for her, but she wouldn't trade the beautiful chaos of their relationship for anything.

Lewis didn't feel that way about her; he'd never said it but he'd never need to. She understood and Lewis wasn't the kind of guy to shove her face in it. He loved her, sure, but not as a girlfriend. Not in a completely platonic way, but he didn't want to be stuck with her for the rest of her life. That was a little hard for Alice to come to terms with.

Alice did note, however, that her feelings for Lewis were probably a lot like Marti's feelings for Dan. Marti sure as hell didn't know what she was feeling for the southern hick most of the time, but Alice had seen her eyes when she watched Savannah and Dan together. To give Dan the push he needed, to _tell _Dan to go after her… that must have hurt. Marti was a good girl, though, so going after Dan would have painted her negatively. It took a lot of courage, yeah, but everyone took that for granted when they looked at Marti. No one took it for granted with Alice, because no one expected it of her. At face value she was a bitch, so they let her get away with being selfish to the core.

She wasn't like that, though, not really. It was easier to be that way, sure. Alice didn't want pity. Respect and pity don't go hand in hand, and respect was all Alice had ever wanted. Plus, there was a certain freedom to being allowed to do whatever you want, whenever you want. She could sacrifice a few potential friendships for that.

Yeah, she was probably a little messed up. She'd probably blame her father for that, but it wasn't his fault she'd been born a girl. He preferred his sporty boys, but he loved her… in his own way. He just never _showed _that way and it drove her a little stir crazy inside until she rampaged around and destroyed everything good that she had left completely on accident.

She was getting better. The Hellcats were a family, truly, and they loved her. They didn't always _like _her—they definitely liked Savannah and sometimes even Marti better—but they were loyal and would never turn on her. They were always there for her. They didn't disappoint and she couldn't let herself disappoint them either, not really. That was all Alice wanted: to _not _disappoint the people that mattered, for once.

She managed it here. Cheertown was home and nothing, no one, no cause could ever take it away from her. Vanessa saw a lot of herself in Alice, Alice had seen that nostalgic recognition in her eyes, and recently she'd started to feel like maybe that wasn't so bad. There were worse things than being a Hellcat forever.

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**Reviews are love! ~Lynx**


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